Thursday, October 16, 2014
I can't remember the last time I was alone. Really alone. No husband. No kids. Maybe never, at least not in the last 3+ years. And it happened. They all left town, leaving me with 24 hours to fill. It was during this time that I recognized that I have a real problem. And no, it's not my addiction to olive bread. All I did was workout. After getting rid of my small companions I went off for a run. I'll admit to a few moments of hesitation but figured I had nothing to loose. Hell a run without them is 92lbs lighter, it's bound to feel good! Living large in the child-free lane I ran down busy urban streets, jumping on and off the sidewalk never slowing to cross the road. I may have even run on the wrong side of the road! And I never once had to stop to help open a snack bag. Once that was said and done I went home and enjoyed a shower with the door shut and allowed steam to fill the bathroom in a way it never does when the door is being constantly opened while my friend checks to make sure I know he's giving me privacy. Then it was off to the yoga studio. I told you, this is about my problem. I could have gone for drinks. To get my nails done. Shopping. For coffee. To the movies. The possibilities are endless and yet I went for double sessions. It gets worse. I went home and made plans for a 5:30am run. I know, I know. It's bad. But do you know what a pain in the ass a morning run is lately? Is the husband going to be home? Is he going to want to run, b/c only one of us can go early? Get out the door fast before someone wakes up, b/c once a kid is up you aren't getting out the door. After that I did go to work for a bit...mind you that was the only reason I was foot loose and fancy free. But it gets dark again. I had a break. A long break. Where did I spend it? At the coffee shop? Did I call and check on my pint-sized friends? No, I went straight to yoga. Yes, doubles again. By 3:30pm I was back at home in the chaos, explaining why dinner cannot just be olive bread and that skunks will not spray through his second story window into his train bed while he is sleeping. So 24 hours off and I can say that I used it wisely Made up for some lost workouts and remembered how nice it can be to be completely alone. Remind me of this in 2017 when it happens again.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Yoga is about more than your mat. Even if you think you are just there to sweat, you haven't realized it but there is more there. There is always more. I was triggered this weekend. I got pissed. Felt the urge to do what I'm good at. Shutting down an argument. Getting the last word. Proving my point. Holding that grudge. But wait, why am I there? To change. To realize this and let it go. We covered assisting this past weekend and it instantly clicked. First time in this entire expirience it felt right. So why? Why do I love this work that I will never get paid for in a studio? What is the draw. Look off my mat. Look at my life. My life is built on assisting others. It's what I do at home. It's my job. It's how I show my friends love. It's what makes me happy and feel useful. Don't ask for a hug, I'm still not a hugger. Assisting is not doing for. It's not fixing. It's providing support. Providing education. Providing encouragement. Providing love. It's support and then watching people fly.
Monday, October 6, 2014
I’ve been searching for the words to describe this past weekend and have given up. And I have no pictures to post that show it. It doesn’t matter in many ways because if you weren’t there you wouldn’t understand it. Not only has it deepened my personal practice but it showed me how much this group will mean to me going forward. There have been jokes about our yoga mama and our yoga family but joking aside these people mean something to me. We mean something to each other. I also realized, for certain, that I’m doing the right thing with this training. I’m in the right place. With the right people. At the end of our weekend Baron read this poem and it struck me. Really struck me.
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation,or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting --until your car or home is paid off --until you get a new car or home --until your kids leave the house --until you go back to school --until you lose ten pounds --until you gain ten pounds --until you finish school --until you get a divorce --until you get married --until you have kids --until you retire --until summer --until spring --until winter --until fall --until you die There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to be happy. Happiness is a JOURNEY, not a destination. So -- work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching. Author unknown