24 hours

I can't remember the last time I was alone. Really alone. No husband. No kids. Maybe never, at least not in the last 3+ years. And it happened. They all left town, leaving me with 24 hours to fill. It was during this time that I recognized that I have a real problem. And no, it's not my addiction to olive bread. All I did was workout. After getting rid of my small companions I went off for a run. I'll admit to a few moments of hesitation but figured I had nothing to loose. Hell a run without them is 92lbs lighter, it's bound to feel good! Living large in the child-free lane I ran down busy urban streets, jumping on and off the sidewalk never slowing to cross the road. I may have even run on the wrong side of the road! And I never once had to stop to help open a snack bag. Once that was said and done I went home and enjoyed a shower with the door shut and allowed steam to fill the bathroom in a way it never does when the door is being constantly opened while my friend checks to make sure I know he's giving me privacy. Then it was off to the yoga studio. I told you, this is about my problem. I could have gone for drinks. To get my nails done. Shopping. For coffee. To the movies. The possibilities are endless and yet I went for double sessions. It gets worse. I went home and made plans for a 5:30am run. I know, I know. It's bad. But do you know what a pain in the ass a morning run is lately? Is the husband going to be home? Is he going to want to run, b/c only one of us can go early? Get out the door fast before someone wakes up, b/c once a kid is up you aren't getting out the door. After that I did go to work for a bit...mind you that was the only reason I was foot loose and fancy free. But it gets dark again. I had a break. A long break. Where did I spend it? At the coffee shop? Did I call and check on my pint-sized friends? No, I went straight to yoga. Yes, doubles again. By 3:30pm I was back at home in the chaos, explaining why dinner cannot just be olive bread and that skunks will not spray through his second story window into his train bed while he is sleeping. So 24 hours off and I can say that I used it wisely Made up for some lost workouts and remembered how nice it can be to be completely alone. Remind me of this in 2017 when it happens again.

YTT weekend 4 - Half way there!

Yoga is about more than your mat. Even if you think you are just there to sweat, you haven't realized it but there is more there. There is always more. I was triggered this weekend. I got pissed. Felt the urge to do what I'm good at. Shutting down an argument. Getting the last word. Proving my point. Holding that grudge. But wait, why am I there? To change. To realize this and let it go. We covered assisting this past weekend and it instantly clicked. First time in this entire expirience it felt right. So why? Why do I love this work that I will never get paid for in a studio? What is the draw. Look off my mat. Look at my life. My life is built on assisting others. It's what I do at home. It's my job. It's how I show my friends love. It's what makes me happy and feel useful. Don't ask for a hug, I'm still not a hugger. Assisting is not doing for. It's not fixing. It's providing support. Providing education. Providing encouragement. Providing love. It's support and then watching people fly.

YTT weekend 3 with Baron Baptiste

I’ve been searching for the words to describe this past weekend and have given up. And I have no pictures to post that show it. It doesn’t matter in many ways because if you weren’t there you wouldn’t understand it. Not only has it deepened my personal practice but it showed me how much this group will mean to me going forward. There have been jokes about our yoga mama and our yoga family but joking aside these people mean something to me. We mean something to each other. I also realized, for certain, that I’m doing the right thing with this training. I’m in the right place. With the right people. At the end of our weekend Baron read this poem and it struck me. Really struck me.

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation,or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting --until your car or home is paid off --until you get a new car or home --until your kids leave the house --until you go back to school --until you lose ten pounds --until you gain ten pounds --until you finish school --until you get a divorce --until you get married --until you have kids --until you retire --until summer --until spring --until winter --until fall --until you die There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to be happy. Happiness is a JOURNEY, not a destination. So -- work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching. Author unknown

YTT wekend 2

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Big breath in and let it out. Reach up. Fold. Halfway lift. Fold. Arms all the way up. Hands to heart. Breathe. Over and over til my shoulders ache and creak. How's the yoga stuff going? You like it? Questions I struggle to anwser, so give a brief and enthusiastic yes. Time away from my family means time at the studio with strangers who are quickly starting to feel like family. High highs and fierce anasana's accompanied with nerves and fears of unknown and not knowing. There is no control. Get used to it. Be comfortable. Let it all go. Describe it, I can't. I'm doing it. Working at it. Breathing through it.

Weekend 1 complete

I am not sure where to begin. Overwhelming is certainly true in all aspects - physically I was pushed close to my limits, we hit a point where I stopped counting hours of practice b/c I couldn't keep it straight. A little Real Worldish - 20 yogi's placed in a room and we'll see what happens when people stop being polite. Information. So much information. My brain hurt as much as my abs by the end. Emotionally it was tough - I'm rarely away from my family for longer than a handful of hours and never for days in a row, I learned very quickly that they are my life force and when I'm away for days at a time it hurts. Guilt. Lots of it. Shit comes up on your mat. It just does and it did this weekend. Use the breath. Ego checked hard when I struggled with student teaching. Loving acceptance and instant forgiveness. It's all a learning curve. Powerful - Oh man, hitting my own unexpected walls. Watching others hit and overcome their walls. Amazing, simply amazing. Arm balances. Holding crow for 3 breaths for the first time. Ever. Attempting other crazy shit and laughing when we fell. Pride. We were all there. Starting something real together. Achieving something together. Dirty - 21 hours in a hot yoga studio with 20 other yogi's. Enough said. I can see how this experience has the potential to be transformative. I can also see where I'll be tested. 1 down, 7 to go.

And it begins, WSPY Teacher Training

Teacher training starts in a little under 4 hours. Am I ready? Not quite but given this is the first nap for my 3 year old in months I'm allowed to goof off a little rather than deal with the mountain of chores I should tackle including packing a bag. This blog has covered everything from running to tri training to pregnancy to motherhood and god only knows what else. For the next 15 weeks I expect it - and most other aspects of my life - to revolve around yoga. 9 of the next 15 weekends will be spent in the studio in training. I'll share my experiences and thoughts along the way. I'll admit to some butterflies going in, I'm not sure what to expect. Not sure what we'll be doing, who I'll be doing it with and what the final product will feel like. Doesn't help that the list with what to bring included pain relievers!!! I need this though, in so many ways. Time away from my life, my phone, diapers...all of it. Nap time is ending so that's all for now. I'll keep you posted along the way! Ran for an hour this morning

Knees, stupid knees

So my knee hurts. Not sure why, haven't changed much or amped anything up. Lets compare today's reaction to maybe 5 years ago with no kids. 5 years ago: I would have likely already taken a week or so off of running. Likely would be hitting the spin bike hard. Would have already arranged for PT eval and would have signed up for every other day sessions for the next 6 weeks. My entire list of running friends would have been consulted for their diagnosis. Coaches would have been emailed, maybe even a podiatry appt scheduled to have my inserts tweaked. Today: I've ignored it for the last week. Keep toying with taking time off but since running is not only by stress reliever but also my main form of socialization I keep going out. Today I actually thought about taking a spin class and realized that I can't do that with my crew of little one's so packed up and headed out for a run with the beast. No time for PT, nor am I interested in the co-pays that would accompany those sessions. Haven't texted about it, my phone is full of babysitting related messages. As I type I have a frozen cookie monster boo-boo buddy on it and this would be the first time I've iced it. What's my plan you ask? I'll probably keep running til it gets worse or goes away. Oddly enough it doesn't hurt during or immediately after, so who knows. I thought about blaming aging but then I remembered that I'm only 29 as my son insisted that I was really in my 50's. Ran 3 miles today